Rise Up

^{EXODUS 12:31}

 And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the Lord, as ye have said.

He Hath Made Everything Beautiful In His Time(:

When I think about the past, it scares me of my future. What a paralyzed life of depredation I will live if I cannot rid myself of that notion. We can choose what we dwell on.
 Yes- there are a lot of things in life that are unbelievably hard; but there are a lot of things in life that are undeservingly good.
The bible often calls us to be thankful. Being thankful is a state of mind, not really an action of a mere verbalized word. It is a state of being. The word change to me sometimes feels like a bad word, but it is a word of excitement too. Of new opportunity and chance.
It's the hard things in life that make the sweet things all the more sweeter. When Uncle Mike prayed the closing prayer Sunday afternoon to close the service, he said, "We're thankful Lord... (and he paused) for such sweet fellowship." Anytime my Uncle Mike pauses in a prayer or a sermon, it touches my heart because I know it's at that moment he's choking up and can't force the words out. After my weekend, the way that it felt to be in the Lords house- it was so overwhelmingly good. Life is not about forgetting your troubles and always being positive- but I believe it IS about taking in those hard moments- learning from them- allowing those moments to shape your character as God has put them in your life for a purpose... knowing, He will bring about blessing.

Ecclesiastes 3

King James Version (KJV)

Ecclesiastes 3

 ¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 ²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

 ³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 ⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 ⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 ⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

 ⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

 ⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

 ⁹What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

 ¹⁰I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

 ¹¹He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

 ¹²I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

 ¹³And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

 ¹⁴I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.

 ¹⁵That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

STUDY JESUS Like You Study For College

These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.
-Acts 17:11
I came to a point last week where I was, as you would say, at my wits end. I'd HAD it. I was done! I was giving up, failing miserably at finding my God. Where was He in my life? I couldn't see Him working. I wasn't doing anything actively for Him really. I had no peace. I was not happy. Days dragged on. I was MISERABLLLE with no particular reason why...
Let me just say right now, it's AMAZING what crying out to the LORD in sheer desperation can do. It's a miracle what praying can do. It is a miracle what the bible can do on a daily basis in your life.

Somewhere deep inside me I have a desperate need to learn more about God. To be closer to Him, to "be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear"
-I Peter 3:15
Maybe I could find my answers at bible college. I've prayed off and on about going, but this last week I specifically prayed night and day for the Lord to guide me and show me clearly that this was exactly where HE wanted me to be. He didn't. He doesn't want me there... You want to know why? (:
Because ONE, HE is the Greatest Teacher.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
-Matthew 11:29
And TWO, because He had a greater lesson for me to learn here.
Let me explain-
Tonight I was invited to a movie, and I ended up having a conversation with Shannon about her driving to North Pole to get a college book from a friend to study, leaving it there because he needed to finish his homework as she drove back into town, to to have to turn right back around after the movie to pick it up again and finish her homework. It was already 9pm, and the movie was who knows how long(: It was going to be a late night. It got me to thinking about the last two or three now, years of up-all-nighters. Coffee and english papers. Getting in the online homework 2minutes before midnight. All that jazz. I even rememebered the time I ran through every campus building to get to my class to turn in an essay in which the paper was still warm when I handed it to him (with a smirk) from being just freshly printed.
What does this have to do with seeking the Lord's will for my life? Seek to study Jesus like you do your college, Emily.
I know God is everywhere, and I know I can serve Him anywhere- but I need to be disciplined enough to sit down and read my bible everyday... and I'm not!! Bible college would be hours and hours a week devoted to serving Him and I would be constantly encouraged to read. That is exactly what I need Lord! No. What I need is to read. What I need is a GOD-GIVEN DESIRE and LOVE for Christ that gives me a "want to." Not a HAVE to. Not the safe playing field where I go to hear and to listen (which is very important obviously) but a place where HEARING and DOING are one in the same.
"But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was."
-James 1:22-24

I don't want to go to a bible college for a year, see myself make some changes, and FORGET what I look like.
The fact of the matter is, if I can't serve God here... I can't serve God ANYWHERE.

So tonight, what I am doing is acting like I'm in college. Even though I've take this semester off, I am actually AT UAF, in the library, studying James, because that is what we are studying as a church.
Again, Acts 17:11 says, "These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so."
And yes, it's 10pm. I scratched the movie. After all, I'm studying. And yes, I still have to be up for work at 4am, and yes, I still have to drive all the way home, and no, I'm not going to get a lot of sleep. But you know something? If I had a Microbiology test tomorrow, it wouldn't matter. In fact, I would prabably be here all night long. How convicting is that?

REALLY QUICK NOW. I've thought about what's important when you're in college.
1st and foremost, it's prrrobably to simply show up. Be in class. Well, 1st and foremost, be in church.
-Hebrews 10:25
2ndly, Read your textbook! Yep, that's right. God's Word. And I'm the WORST at reading my textbook.
-Psalm 119:105 Really awesome verse. The Word is enlighting! (: Especially when we don't know where to place our feet.
At the end of your textbook chapters there is always those good ole' "personal application" questions (that I never answer)- well, answer them. Apply scriptures to your life like they are your own. They are yours when you do.
Memorize for the tests. Psalm 119:11
Do your homework.
What is the bible commanding of you today? And asking yourself how can you fufill that in your life today? John 14:15
Talk to your Teacher.
Yes,,, prayer. What a great gift of God. Psalm 62:8
Consider the reward.
- I LOVE getting an A on a test more than I love coffee. That's HUGE!!
Genesis 15:1
Luke 6:35
Consider the cost.
Tution is going up AGAIN. It has already risen by what, 10 percent? 20?? College is getting super expensive in a world where our dollars are getting fewer. Have you counted the cost? Luke 14:28-33
What about Jesus Christ's cost? Acts 11:17
(Who are you, by the way, that you can withstand God?)

I'm going to take His yoke upon me and learn of Him. Where He leads I am fully intendent on going, but I will only take a step when His hand is moving me.
Thanks for the comments, I love to hear from you- and those of you that read my blog and don't have one of your own (Michelle) *cough*cough*hack* you should strongly consider getting one. Love you all!

Em

PROVERBS 15:28
The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.

Lets Run

Hebrews 12
1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.


Why I would I spend my life longing for the day that it would end?
Why would I spend my time pointing to another man?
Isn't that crazy

How can I find hope in dying, with promises unseen?
How can I learn your way is better,
In everything I'm taught to be?

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world,
But to a God who's calling out to me.
And even though the world may think
I'm losing touch with reality,
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity.

And if I boast let me boast
Of filthy rags made clean
And if I glory let me glory
In my Savior's suffering

And as I live this daily life
I trust you for everything
And I will only take a step
When I feel You leading me

What Have You Lost Recently?

Yes, I am asking you. For some reason blog posts for me is a way to work out my problems on paper. A way to study, talk to myself, and being honest with myself using the mirror of God's Word. Maybe someone out there will be able to relate with where I'm at right now. Though I know this is so much more to myself than you. Even still My God never ceases to use His written Word.
Although, no one has asked me the "what have you lost recently" question,
who I've lost and what I've lost has been on my mind.

"I don't know who I am anymore." Have you ever heard that statement? It sure is a sad statement, but an even worse feeling.

Have you lost who you are?

"I'm so lost without you, that I can't find myself." Have you heard that sad, pretty country song? It's heart wrenching, because often we define who we are by how our loved ones view us. And when, they don't love us anymore... or when they are ripped from our lives, it has a tendency to make us feel less than worthless if that's possible.
Have you lost a close relationship? Does it wear on you even today, though it may have happened a year or two ago? That person, who meant everything to you...

"I don't know who I am
Staring at a million broken pieces here
I don't know where I stand
While I'm still, the world goes round so free so cavalier
Aimlessly I wander, like a drifter
on a narrow winding road
I've got plenty of direction but I don't know where to go

I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
Baby, I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

No it don't seem right this canyon of lonely lying in our bed
Lord how I've cried a waterfall of tears until my eyes turn red
Ever since you left me it's been like a bullet through my heart
And I know I should move on, but I don't know where to start"

While I had been trying to gather my thoughts this week on how to blog what's been on my heart, I remembered the old story of Job. [Pronounced ("Joe"-buh) for those who are wondering why I'm going to start talking about a job.]
He was a great man, very successful in his life. I can imagine he knew who he was. And... he lost everything in one day. We talk about how someone means everything to us, or this position means everything to us, but literately... He lost EVERYTHING. His home, his children, his living, his business, and on and on.

What did he do? What are YOU suppose to do? You know what you've lost, and I know that it meant everything to you. You've probably wondered how you can turn back time, how you can move on, how to go forward... what can you do?



Job 1:20

Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,



Well, that seemed easy enough for him, but I have cut my hair short enough recently thank you very much, and besides it wouldn't look good if I started ripping things off. People would start thinking I was having a Brittany Spears moment, and this is suppose to be biblical?!
Then I started to use my dictionary. Never dreamed a dictionary would make me cry. I looked up "arose."

AROSE
1. to get up from sitting, lying, or kneeling; rise:
2. to awaken; wake up:
3. to move upward; mount; ascend:
4. to come into being, action, or notice; originate; appear; spring up:
5. to result or proceed; spring or issue

Sometimes proceeding and moving forward, take a deep breath, requires action. Commonly known as getting up and doing something, anything. And how's this for a change, different. Do. Something. Different. Get up, number one, and prepare your mind and heart to do something different; what you are doing now isn't working, wasn't working, and will not continue to work. You have two choices. Stay here, in this spot of confusion and loneliness. Or decide now, that you are going to change what you are doing, whatever it is... or is not. Arise. Spring into action. Come into being.

Then there's "rent his mantle"

RENT- past tense of "rend."
rend 
1. to separate into parts with force or violence:
2. to tear apart, split, or divide:
3. to pull or tear violently (often followed by away, off, up, etc.).
4. to tear (one's garments or hair) in grief, rage, etc.
5. to disturb (the air) sharply with loud noise.
6. to harrow or distress (the heart) with painful feelings.

Ouch. This sounds a little less than exciting. I already hurt. I'm not going to do something that with make me hurt more.
Well.. don't decide that just yet. It will come with a comparably small sacrifice.

What in the world is a mantle, you're asking.

MANTLE
1. a loose, sleeveless cloak or cape.
2. something that covers, envelops, or conceals:

What are you hiding behind? Or maybe I need to ask, what are you concealing so tightly that no one, not even your closest friends and family members knows? Open up. Rip it to pieces and show yourself to Jesus. Everything is made manifest in His sight anyways.

Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,

SHAVED
to remove a growth of beard with a razor.
verb (used with object)
2. to remove hair from (the face, legs, etc.) by cutting it off close to the skin with a razor.
3. to cut off (hair, especially the beard) close to the skin with a razor (often followed by off or away ).
4. to cut or scrape away the surface of with a sharp-edged tool:

HEAD
1. the upper part of the body in humans, joined to the trunk by the neck, containing the brain, eyes, ears, nose, and mouth.
2. the corresponding part of the body in other animals.
3. the head considered as the center of the intellect, as of thought, memory, understanding, or emotional control; mind; brain:
4. the position or place of leadership, greatest authority, or honor.
5. a person to whom others are subordinate, as the director of an institution or the manager of a department; leader or chief.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No cheating. Go back and read the definitions. Really read them, as if you were studying this yourself. I promise you it will be worth it... and I'm going some where with this all.
Did you re-read them? Now, take a look at "shaved his head,"
Read definition number 3 and 4 of shaved and then read definition 3 and 4 of head.
Now you're saying. I don't get it. Or, I'm not stupid, I see where this is going... you are saying that I need to "shave" (cut off, scrape away), my thoughts, my memories (of whom I've lost), my understanding (of it all), my emotions (how I'm feeling about everything), what I do that defines who I am... wait... what?!

It hit me like a ton of bricks, and through my tears these verses came to mind.

Romans 2:28-29
For he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; neither is that circumcision, which is outward in the flesh:
But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God.


I Samuel 16:7
Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.


The circumcision is THAT OF THE HEART, in the spirit. Sometimes we have to let go of, and cut off those things that WE ourselves are holding onto.
I listened to a message the other day that talked about how when Jesus told his disciples whoever does not hate his sister or brethren, etc, (family) cannot be His disciple. Jesus wasn't telling them that you need to hate your family, he was saying LOVE ME MORE THAN YOU LOVE ANYBODY.



FELL

-simple past tense of fall
1. to drop or descend under the force of gravity, as to a lower place through loss or lack of support.
2. to come or drop down suddenly to a lower position, especially to leave a standing or erect position suddenly, whether voluntarily or not: to fall on one's knees.
3. to become less or lower; become of a lower level, degree, amount, quality, value, number, etc.; decline:
4. to subside or abate.
5. extend downward; hang down:

GROUND

1. the solid surface of the earth; firm or dry land: to fall to the ground.
2. earth or soil: stony ground.
3. land having an indicated character: rising ground.
4. Often, grounds. a tract of land appropriated to a special use: picnic grounds; a hunting ground.
5. Often, grounds. the foundation or basis on which a belief or action rests; reason or cause:

Do you have a lack of support?(: I know some days I feel a lot like that. Definition 1 of fall, with definition 5 of ground. Where do you fall when you have no support or are you doing all that you can in your strength to stand?
Fall. Give up. Fall on the foundation. For He is good.


Job 39:6 Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof;


Have you ever fallen? It's usually not a slow process. You hit ground fast. Fall on Him. Fall on His Word. Fall on the foundation of His promises. Fall. Fall. Fall. Quit trying, struggling to stand and just fall.

Fall to your REASON, to your CAUSE, your BASIS, the basis, of you daily Christianity.

Lastly...

"and worshipped,"

And worshipped, and worshipped, and worshipped...
Reverence. Honour. Fear. Amazement. Adorning.


JOHN 4:24 God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

That they may see, and know, and consider, and understand... (:

10Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

11Behold, all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded: they shall be as nothing; and they that strive with thee shall perish.

12Thou shalt seek them, and shalt not find them, even them that contended with thee: they that war against thee shall be as nothing, and as a thing of nought.

13For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

14Fear not, thou worm Jacob, and ye men of Israel; I will help thee, saith the LORD, and thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

15Behold, I will make thee a new sharp threshing instrument having teeth: thou shalt thresh the mountains, and beat them small, and shalt make the hills as chaff.

16Thou shalt fan them, and the wind shall carry them away, and the whirlwind shall scatter them: and thou shalt rejoice in the LORD, and shalt glory in the Holy One of Israel.

17When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the LORD will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them.

18I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.

19I will plant in the wilderness the cedar, the shittah tree, and the myrtle, and the oil tree; I will set in the desert the fir tree, and the pine, and the box tree together:

20THAT THEY MAY SEE, AND KNOW, AND CONSIDER, AND UNDERSTAND TOGETHER, That the hand of the LORD hath done this, and the Holy One of Israel hath created it.

21Produce your cause, saith the LORD; bring forth your strong reasons, saith the King of Jacob.




Prayed tonight before I went to Barnes and Nobles that God would give me someone to reach out to. And He did. (:

Not only did she ask for my name and number, but I am hopefully going to her candle party the first of April. She asked me where I went to church, before I even said a word about my LORD God. How cool(:

You could take this as coincidence, happenstance, or even simply answered prayer... but I know in my heart, I cried unto the Lord tonight as nothing more than a worm, and Lord Almighty God, Maker of this universe placed my footsteps to walk start to the one He knew has need of Him.

What a great and awesome God we serve! If I didn't have an opportunity yesterday... it's because I didn't ask Him for one. He says we have not, BECAUSE we ask not.

James 4

1From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

2Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

3Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

4Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

5Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?

6But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

8Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

9Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.

10Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

11Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.

12There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?

13Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:

14Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

15For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.

16But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.

17Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

Is This What You Call A Relationship?

“I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day;
Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy;
When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.
Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Be not therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou a partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God:
Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.
But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Saviour Jesus Christ, who hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel:2 Timothy 1:3-10

Working at the local hardware store, I make a lot of good friends out of the middle aged to older men that like a strong cup of good coffee and someone to argue with. There was a man that had an excellent sense of humor, long time member of my Two Rivers community, a man that last time less than a month ago was joking about rescuing me from the “local boys.” He had stayed just long enough for all of them to leave the shop so they wouldn’t be hanging around all night. He talked with my Grandpa and boss, Kedrick Wallis for hours on end while I’d be cleaning or working in the back of the shop. He about stole all the Christmas cookies this year coming very frequently around the holidays. I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time working and covering the shop for my Grandpa during the month of break we get off from UAF. That was pretty much every day other than Sundays when we are closed.
A couple weeks ago I heard the news. They found him a couple days after he died. I heard about it a Thursday night in church, in the form of a request to “pray for the family, community, Kedrick and Emily.” At first I couldn’t believe the name. I heard it, but I knew that they couldn’t mean him. They have the wrong name. They have the wrong guy. When my Dad put his hand on my shoulder and grabbed my keys to take me home I knew it real. Hit my knees crying immediately. Felt like throwing up. He was murdered, by boy I grew up with. This kid was over at my house so often when I was younger, we didn’t have to guess who it was when the doorbell rang everyday for years.

Where is the standard of good? How are we to know the difference between right and wrong according to the different circumstances and situations in our lives? What makes us think that we wouldn’t be tempted to murder, tomorrow? How is it that we believe thinking about ourselves first and foremost doing what we needed to be doing just this morning or even right now is any LESS of a sin in the sight of God than murdering your own father? After all, Jesus was murdered for all of our sins.
It is GOD that makes the standard. It is by HIM actions are weighed. No man or his ideas pondering this life will be correct in his thinking unless it is based upon the awesome standard of Gods very Word.
“Talk no more exceedingly proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by Him actions are weighed.” 2 Samuel 2:3

Sometimes it’s really hard to remember he is gone. Walked into the shop last week and sure enough, he wasn’t sitting on the 5 gallon oil bucket sipping his coffee. It hurts to know life doesn’t end here. With all my heart I would long to see him in heaven some day, but reality is that good people go to hell every day. Because what we see as good, is our opinion. God see’s good, as perfection, completion, beautiful... as Himself. He is the definition of the very word good. If I have a heart without God, I am without goodness.
The Lord says, there is none that doeth good, no not one. If the presence of God is goodness, and the absence of God is not, then wouldn’t it make sense that the more of God in your life, as far as drawing closer to Him in your relationship with Him, the more of good you will see?
“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” –Psalm 23:6


If I treated my parents, best friend, grandma, brother, husband, boyfriend, on a given day, as sometimes I treat my Lord… I know what they would say to me. They would ask me in anger and hurt,

“Is this what you call a relationship?”

As the Lord asks my heart. I want a better relationship. I want to please Him. I want to miss Him at work and long for the time I can spend before Him in prayer, long for Him to speak to me.
“Seek ye the LORD while He may be found, call ye upon Him while He is yet near.” Isaiah 55:6

Good Morning Monday!(:

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice


Romans 8:38-39
38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Just thinking this morning, our sin separates us from God... but the scripture says, NOTHING, not ANYTHING in or our of this world can EVER serparate us from the everlasting Love of God. That's awe-some(:


1 Peter 1:19-21
19But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot:

20Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you,

21Who by him do believe in God, that raised him up from the dead, and gave him glory; that your faith and hope might be in God.


John 1:1-5
1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

2The same was in the beginning with God.

3All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.

4In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

5And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.




2 Peter 1:19-21
19We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts:

20Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.

21For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.

I'm PANICKING right now! This is really not good. I'm not even sure why I'm on here now. Just a denial for a few more moments of everything I need to get done. My car is a mess, my room is a mess, my laundry needs to be done, I am suppose to stay at Stasia's tonight, a paper that was due tonight I talked to my teacher about and she is awesome and letting me write it tonight and turn it in before midnight... Frontier is having me start my mornings over there for training, which is good, but really overwhelming to learn everything... by the time I get back to MVI Realty for the 2nd half of the day, I have a bunch of work on my desk to complete. I have something going on every Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, and these are all things like classes, and church and things I can't cut out even if I wanted to. Even typing this out my franticnessss is becoming more apparent. AH. What I SHOULD do right now is stop panicking and start working. That's what I should be doing. OKAY! (: SO. Me and all my phalanges are going to get to writing this paper... and doing some psychology homework if I'm lucky. Head over to Stasias... OH, and I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks!! AND I JUST KNEWWW my Nutrition teacher was looking at me when we were talking about exercise and diet. Haha, I just wanted to stand up and say ITS NOT MY FAULT!!! But of course that's probably not the correct or adult like reaction unfortunately.

In the midst of all this panicking... I got to work and got my paper done... and I've really felt like I needed to blog this whole last week. It's one thing to read your bible, but it's another to really meditate on scriptures and apply them to your life. I feel like I do that here. It was frivilous for me to blog I felt for a long time (that's why i never blogged! lol;), until I find something worth saying. A lot of what I do say isn't often worth saying to start with, so why in the world would I want to write it down to be recorded?! (:

A couple verses that have been on my mind and heart lately is 1stly Proverbs 1:7
Nothing shuts me up sometimes when I get frantic and panicky and overwhelmed, but as my mind was reeling a thousand miles per hour, going in about 6 directions at one time, thinking about this one guy, really concerned for his soul, and then my friend, she's hurting really bad and she needs the Lord, then there's this I need to do for the church, and then there's the girls, I need to help them out, and there's my parents, my sister, my homework, forget homework! I'm late for class!! ...

"THE FEAR OF THE LORD IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM."

What does that even have to do with what I was thinking about you're wondering? Well, nothing... but that's kind of the point. There's a reason God says, "BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD."

Take a few minutes today and think about the fear of the Lord. Reverence Him as you ought. Kneel before Him and honor Him FIRST in your life and most importantly in your heart. EVERYTHING ELSE is all vanity in comparison.

What does it mean to run?

It's amazing who my God is and what He can do. All I can say about this week is that I have truly been kept in the palm of His hands. He is the quiet, when no one's around. He is the strength of my heart. He teaches me often to run to Him.

Various and assundry events have prevented me from running this last week, but I am really looking forward to getting back on track soon. One of the days I ran my 4 miles, for some reason it was harder than all the rest. No one was running beside me, I didn't have any distractions, no ipod, nothing to keep on my mind, but things that made me want to give up.

Earlier that day I was reading in the Song of Solomon. I know what you're thinking haha. If you are anything like me, which most people might not be, but if perhaps you are... You read the bible, but the "song of solomon" is a bunch of mushy stuff for married people thank you very much. =P But it isn't so. My God is My Shepard. The same Shepard that is talked about in the Song of Solomon. I am what He cares for and loves, and that is His love story for me.
So back to running... I was running along, little sisters patiently waiting for me in the car, and I'm thinking my staaars, this is harder than usual for some reason. Maybe I can just run 3, after all the girls are waiting.

The truth is I needed God's love confirmed to me. I know it always in my head, but sometimes I don't FEEL it. I don't see it. I don't hear it. I feel empty and torn. But God's children don't always FEEL loved, they don't always SEE that they are loved, and they don't always HEAR it.

-We are to walk by faith, not by sight-

When we walk by faith, He is FAITHFUL to provide everything, time and time again, every single need.
SO I'm running and I'm running, and I start to think about the Lord, and I think of a verse that has to do with running...

DRAW ME, WE WILL RUN AFTER THEE.

-Song of Solomon 1:3

What does it mean to run? Does that mean jog? Limp... waddle lol? Walk fast? Stay steady? Keep a pace? What does it mean to RUN after the Lord?? When I think of run now, I think sweat. I think fast. I think challenging. I think effort. Do I put as much work into my service for the Lord as I do to run 4 miles? Do I leave EVERYTHING behind me when I RUN, truly RUN after Christ? Or did I wake up this morning look at my bible and waddle over there. Slump to my knees to pray, and yawn as I checked it off my to-do-list for a good little Christian girl. I believe there's a difference, and I know I need to make a change.

Had a greaaat time at bible study last night. It was about priorities... and I could really use come help in organizing my own. It's been awesome to be with my family, although... let me tell you. My hatred for grocery shopping is thoroughly amplified and hugely increased. /= But we made it out of Fred Meyers all alive. (:

"Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself" -Daniel 1:8

Two of my theme verses for this year took some time to choose. But I finally picked them!

Philippians 1:21
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

1 Peter 3:4

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

I was listening to the Single's Conference messages this morning too, both were really good. but Pastor James Reid made a statement that I haven't been able to get off my mind. He said that, "You need to know Who you belong to."

Revelation 20 says,

¹¹He came unto his own, and his own received him not.

¹²But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:

¹³Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

Acting like a son or daughter of the Highest is just as important as being a son or daughter of the Highest.

Psalm 73

"TRULY GOD IS GOOD TO ISRAEL, EVEN TO SUCH AS ARE OF A CLEAN HEART."
love youuu guys!(:

---Believe to the Saving of the Soul

²²Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.

²³Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)

²⁴And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

²⁵Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

²⁶For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,

²⁷But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.

²⁸He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:

²⁹Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?

³⁰For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.

³¹It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

³²But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions;

³³Partly, whilst ye were made a gazingstock both by reproaches and afflictions; and partly, whilst ye became companions of them that were so used.

³⁴For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance.

³⁵Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.

³⁶For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

³⁷For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.

³⁸Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.

³⁹But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.

Sometimes we talk about backsliding like its a normal thing. Like it's something that we just do and will do again. God who is rich in mercy and love does remember our frame. Still, He commands and calls us to be holy like unto Him; to be perfect, and walk before Him.
We aren't of this world anymore. No it wont it doesn't always scream to the world that I am a called out Christian, to my shame; but it sure doesn't mean that my God doesn't want me on my knees asking for Him, and asking for His presence in my life. To kneel before Him pleading for His love, for His faith, and for His spirit; for His right hand upholding me and directing my every way, before in this world I start each day.

Because: I'm not sure why. (:

Proverbs 15

¹A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

²The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.

³The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.

⁴A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.

⁵A fool despiseth his father's instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent.

⁶In the house of the righteous is much treasure: but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble.

⁷The lips of the wise disperse knowledge: but the heart of the foolish doeth not so.

⁸The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD: but the prayer of the upright is his delight.

⁹The way of the wicked is an abomination unto the LORD: but he loveth him that followeth after righteousness.

¹⁰Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth reproof shall die.

¹¹Hell and destruction are before the LORD: how much more then the hearts of the children of men?

¹²A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him: neither will he go unto the wise.

¹³A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

¹⁴The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness.

¹⁵All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.

¹⁶Better is little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith.

¹⁷Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.

¹⁸A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.

¹⁹The way of the slothful man is as an hedge of thorns: but the way of the righteous is made plain.

²⁰A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother.

²¹Folly is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom: but a man of understanding walketh uprightly.

²²Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.

²³A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!

²⁴The way of life is above to the wise, that he may depart from hell beneath.

²⁵The LORD will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow.

²⁶The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD: but the words of the pure are pleasant words.

²⁷He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.

²⁸The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.

²⁹The LORD is far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous.

³⁰The light of the eyes rejoiceth the heart: and a good report maketh the bones fat.

³¹The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.

³²He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.

³³The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.

In Him I'll Hide(:

First of all, I just want to say how amazing my Lord is. The ways He sweetly speaks to my heart constantly overwhelm me. It's too much too understand or conceive even a small portion of His great love for me and you.
I hide behind a lot of things. I hide behind my family, my friends, my goals... most often my school, and I always hide behind my sarcasm.
There is nothing that I can hide behind when it comes to Him. He sees me. He knows my fears. When no one sees the tears I blink back, He keeps them. And today I couldn't hide behind anything anymore. I found failure upon failure and mistake after mistake, crowded and mixed up with the fears I try to deny and subdue about the future. I was thinking about how Jesus Christ, My Savior, can answer a lost person's every need. And when my friends would come to me and ask for advice or want to talk... it's hard not to point them in the direction of the One who can heal their every pain. How come sometimes I who am saved don't live like that? Like He IS the answer to my every problem?
I sat down down at the piano and not even thinking about what I was playing, I just started to play.

The Lord’s our Rock, in Him we hide,
A Shelter in the time of storm;
Secure whatever ill betide,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

A shade by day, defense by night,
A Shelter in the time of storm;
No fears alarm, no foes afright,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

The raging storms may round us beat,
A Shelter in the time of storm
We’ll never leave our safe retreat,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

O Rock divine, O Refuge dear,
A Shelter in the time of storm;
Be Thou our Helper ever near,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

I started to try to sing it, and I can tell you right now it wasn't happening. Secondly, I want to say I'm so thankful for godly friends. God uses each and everyone of you for His glory and honor if you are only willing to be used. Andrew's post broke my heart all over again... He is the Rock of our salvation, He is the great God, He is the LORD God, our very own maker.
Tori's recent blog verses along the very same lines:

"My meditation of Him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the LORD." Psalm 104:34

"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. For Thou hast been a shelter for me, and a tower from the enemy." Psalm 61:1-3

"Then they shall cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and He bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.... O that men would praise the LORD for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men!" Psalm 107:28-29,31

Thanks for the encouragement of God's Word.
We couldn't be saved, sheltered, or hid by any greater love.

He Is Able

"I Know"

Where do I begin with what to say I've played this conversation in my head so many times I'm
certainly not claiming to know everything but what i do will save your life.
I know that God is able. I know that He still reigns. I know that love
has found a way.
No matter what it is you're going through even if you think you're far beyond where hope can
see i know there is a hand that's reaching out for you because He did the same for me.
it wasn't that long ago when my own world fell apart, it fell apart and everything here inside
of me said to let go, you must let go I found my self crying out to the One who knows my heart,
He knows your heart and holding tight to the few things that I know.

"I Know Whom I Have Believed" (practicing this on the piano all day... think I'm getting it down... fiiinally) (:

1. I know not why God’s wondrous grace
   To me He hath made known,
   Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
   Redeemed me for His own.
   • Refrain:
     But “I know Whom I have believed,
     And am persuaded that He is able
     To keep that which I’ve committed
     Unto Him against that day.”
2. I know not how this saving faith
   To me He did impart,
   Nor how believing in His Word
   Wrought peace within my heart.
3. I know not how the Spirit moves,
   Convincing men of sin,
   Revealing Jesus through the Word,
   Creating faith in Him.
4. I know not what of good or ill
   May be reserved for me,
   Of weary ways or golden days,
   Before His face I see.
5. I know not when my Lord may come,
   At night or noonday fair,
   Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
   Or meet Him in the air.

2 Timothy 1:11-13

Whereunto I am appointed a preacher, and an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.

For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.

Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.

Greater is He

Ecclesiastes 4
⁶Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit.
Ecclesiastes 5
¹Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God, and be more ready to hear, than to give the sacrifice of fools: for they consider not that they do evil. ²Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few. ³For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool's voice is known by multitude of words.

Ecclesiastes 7
²It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart. ³Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.

Ecclesiastes has always been one of my favorite books of the bible; but I never understand those last two verses until this past year. I knew it had to be right, because the bible is true... but how could sadness really be better that laughter and joy?

The most meaningful and most memorable times in my life have not been the good times. They have not been the times when I was surrounded by family and friends. I sure do have those good memories, but the memories I have that have had the most impact on me were the times that I was tore up about something. The times when I have wept and prayed with friends. When My heart was literately failing me, when it physically hurt, when I cried out to my God.

It is through pain and sorrow we "lay it to our hearts." We remember the serious things of life. We remember who we are and why we are here. Our hearts are "made better" when things in life hurt us and draw us back to the One who frees us from our pain and loves us without limit or restriction. Those are the memories, those are the late nights that are planted so deep in my heart I wont be able to forget. We are a peculiar people, called with a high calling. What a privilege to serve One who's understanding is "infinite."

I read 1 Peter 2, and if you get the chance read the whole chapter. It really spoke to my heart in following God's will and having Him direct my steps. It's not so much where I work, what I do, where I go, as it is that I follow the example that Christ left behind. It's not a matter of knowing God's will, but doing it.

¹¹Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

¹²Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.

¹⁵For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

²¹For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

²²Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

²³Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

²⁴Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

1 Peter 3

...If any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; ²While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.³Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;⁴But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

What all these verses seem to have in common is the "quietness." Which don't you know is my best attribute. (:

God's in the fixing business though, and He's is a lot stronger than me.

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.1 John 4:4

On a scale of 1 to 10; it's an 8(:

Commitment takes on a whole new meaning when it’s for a cause tied to your own heart. It's when it's attached to who you are as a person that you can’t cut its connection to your soul.

Yesterday I was ready to rent an apartment. I was ready to call a halting stop to the idea of moving home. My mom is an amazing person, an extremely hard worker. Always has been and she’s too real to change. But yesterday I was really hit with constant reminder’s of how exactly opposite I am of my Dad, in almost every single way. I love my Dad and he is clever and wise about dealing with people and but our personalities could not be more different. His way of life is extremely different than the way I lead my own. On a scale of 1 to 10, out of all the difficult things I’ve done in my life, for me, dealing with him when I am home in a loving and respectful way is going to be a solid 8. I was ready to start considering some other serious options as opposed to moving back home. BUT, I have thought about this, and I have prayed about this. The answer of what I should do was clear. I needed to be home... I got to thinking I would just go home and visit the girls a lot next semester, instead of wrecking the good relationship I have with my Dad.
I was amazed at how I had gotten so, so angry and frustrated by the end of the day I couldn’t believe it. I went to church last night for evening services and the lesson was really good, on thankfulness; really good message. Then like most years, we one by one talked about what we were especially thankful for this year. When Deanna started listing what she was thankful for, her eyes filled up with tears and she could hardly speak for a minute. “I am so thankful for my sisters… for Emily,” she trembled. “And I’m so happy that she’s going to be moving back home again. She means a lot to me and it’ll be so good to have her back around.” Sitting directly behind her, I saw the tears as they ran down the front of her cheeks and didn't stop.

Pretty sure, pretty sure that ends all debate. All discussion. Any excuses. The Devil seems to want to get ahold of this situation and it scares me because I know he is out there, and he is real. And he desires to stir our hearts and desires to be the opposite of what God would have.
I’m scared of my example. There isn’t a day that I can be selfish in that home. There just isn’t room for it. There isn’t a day in which I need to put myself first, or a day where I can argue with my Dad and in doing so be disrespectful. For some reason I have it in my head that when I am right it is okay to prove it. And that’s not it. Even if I am right about a lot of things my Dad and I disagree on, it is not my responsibility or right to correct him. It reminds my of something my boss, grandpa, said to me last summer. “It’s not always necessary to prove to others you are right Emmie Kae, it’s only necessary to be right.”

So I am committed to making this work, no matter how hard or difficult it gets. It's where I need to be. For my God, first and foremost, and for my little sisters.
Prayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy for me please.
Still waiting to hear back on the different jobs I've applied for, so please keep those in your prayers as well. As my 2nd Mom told me today, "God is good. And as long as you rely on Him you will come out okay." He has always been really good to me. He always does provide. Just waiting and excited to see what He has planned for me next.

3AM

3. Three means completion. I'm pretty sure 7 means perfection. 40 represents sin and wandering. 21 is the legal American age to drink. at 16 you can start driving. I like numbers. and their meanings. I still tend to close my eyes and wish at 11:11, just because. 13 used to drive me crazy when I was younger. I was sure it was the worst number in the world. I've finally kind of gotten over that. It's proved to be lucky, or, at least not so bad a few times(:

I've been awake since 3, just couldn't seem to sleep even though I was really tired. I was too lazy to try to read. And too tired to be spiritually minded so I just laid there. Rolled... more less, flopped off the bed onto the floor with my huuuge blanket close to suffocating me.

Finally thought of some verses I liked. Got on my knees and started to pray. Why is it so hard to pray sometimes? It's like asking God why He even loves me? The reasoning is unfathomable. I prayed, and told God I don't know why I'm in the state I am, and He heard. He forgave me. God is always so good to me. Read the devotion too, it went right along the same lines. God always seems to work like that.

Matthew 7:7-11
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

The battle is always going to be there. No matter what we promise or strive to do, we are still "us." Human as they come. But we serve a God who like in the verses I had up earlier, Psalm 103, He REMEMBERS our frame... He remembers we are just dust.

⁸The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

⁹He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.

¹⁰He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

¹¹For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

¹²As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.

¹⁴For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.

IN THE MEANTIME... I will be here at Lou's working again for Joanna today. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving. I miss Brian and Michelle. It will be good to have them back and here in time for dinner. I want to hear all their stories. Hopefully the roads wont be toooooo scary... because either Brian or my Dad will be picking me up I'm sure. Thanksgiving without meeeeeeeee! ): That'd be horrible. Okay, maybe not the end of the world, but Aubree Dae would cry, and nobody wants that. (:

here's something.

Going through my emails today, and I found this one that I wrote to someone whilst discussing/arguing whether or not I could know God's will for my life.

"I wait, only to see what God does. I did choose. I sacrificed what I wanted for what He commands... because it came down to whether I trusted Him or not. If I really believe, He is in fact the God of the universe, that does love me, than I should be able to trust Him with my all. Doing what I want and crossing my fingers for Him to bless me for it, isn't how God works. Sometimes certain situations I can't understand and doesn't make sense to me and sometimes its hard to do what the bible says. I want to use my own ideas and my own logic, but in the end of every situation He knows. His wisdom far exceeds mine. He made me and knows me better than anyone else. He loves me more than you or anyone else does. He is the only one who will always be there for me, and has been since the day I first trusted Him 8 years ago. When there is no one I feel like I can trust anymore, I know I can trust Him because He is always faithful to me. When I didn't have the money for college, I prayed and He provided. I asked Him to help me when I was sick and he saved my life when the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong. I prayed for him to work on your heart, and He did. Because I am not just my own anymore, I became His, when I trusted Him with my life. Its all or nothing. I have to take the steps, but don't think for a minute He doesn't guide my feet."

"The steps of the good man are ordered by the LORD"

Psalm 103

¹Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

²Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

³Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

⁴Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

⁵Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

⁶The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.

⁷He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.

⁸The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

⁹He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.

¹⁰He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

¹¹For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

¹²As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.

¹⁴For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.

¹⁵As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.

¹⁶For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.

¹⁷But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;

¹⁸To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.

¹⁹The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all.

²⁰Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.

²¹Bless ye the LORD, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure.

²²Bless the LORD, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the LORD, O my soul.

directions

Lord, you know what I need and want already. I'm willing to wait. I just need my eyes and hands focused in a clear direction. On an area of service. And I think the answer is obvious, Your church. That's where You're love is. Your name is glorified there. I just need specific ways to be of help and a heart that's dedicated and focused to putting You and the church first in my life.

Talked to Lou about character qualities I should be looking for in a guy. The thought process started when Jason dropped me off last Thursday from church. He said that he wanted a list of “must have’s” and “preferences” if you will. When I asked Lou what was most important she said, “someone who lets the other guy talk before he starts in.” I can think of the guys that I’ve been interested in so far… and I’m pretty sure none of them had that quality. She asked me what I thought, and the only thing I could think of was honesty. I know it kind of goes without saying, but after Friday, that’s all I could think about, honesty. I asked her what another good one would be and she said a lack of selfishness. Never heard it quite worded like that before. It’s a good way to word it I believe… because everyone is selfish. She asked me what I thought again, and I said someone who really cares… and she finished, about his neighbor. Good finish, and that’s as far as we got.

Tim McGraw’s “my best friend” is one of my favorite songs; used to think of Shannon when I heard it, or my Grandpa. Can’t wait until it reminds me of "him." Somehow I always feel connected to people… guys in general, or one specifically, even if I don’t actually like them, but a lot of times when I do, simply because there is no other one to connect with or imagine myself with. Maybe it’s a girl thing, I’m not sure. But I haven’t felt like “just me” in quite a while. Yesterday, lying on my bed, thinking about it. For the first time in over a year, I felt like just me. No connections. Anywhere.

Moving to Hawaii for a school semester is starting to become a serious option. Next spring is too soon I think. Next fall might be just about perfect. I miss the Clark's. I don’t know where I’m supposed to be or what I’m suppose to do. I feel like I should be hanging around my girls. I think I need to be more involved in their lives… why let the world shape them more than I get to? Plus, I just miss them like crazy. I’ll be glad to get out of here and start something new. I’ll miss Lou a lot… but I think it’s time for home.

It’s really foggy today, the roads are horribly icy. Yesterday, Wyatt rescued me from home and took me out to see a movie and eat Mexican food (upon my request) and severe persuasion that he did indeed miss me more than he enjoyed playing COD. Haha(: Caleb was helping (kind of, not really lol) me with some verses to memorize due to my “lost and wandering” state. Here’s a few that I picked.

2 Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Anddd Psalm 119:169-176

Let my cry come near before thee, O LORD: give me understanding according to thy word.

Let my supplication come before thee: deliver me according to thy word.

My lips shall utter praise, when thou hast taught me thy statutes.

My tongue shall speak of thy word: for all thy commandments are righteousness.

Let thine hand help me; for I have chosen thy precepts.

I have longed for thy salvation, O LORD; and thy law is my delight.

Let my soul live, and it shall praise thee; and let thy judgments help me.

I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek thy servant; for I do not forget thy commandments.

Lastly! Psalm 37:23-34 (My favorite)

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

Well. Still stuck inside due to the wet rain making roads super slick. It isn’t so bad being stuck in here. I’ll get back to my youtube ninja videos now. Hahah(:

OH, and P.S, one more thing. I'm always joking around about being "directionally challenged," well... Lord, I feel it now more than ever.