Friday, November 26, 2010

On a scale of 1 to 10; it's an 8(:

Commitment takes on a whole new meaning when it’s for a cause tied to your own heart. It's when it's attached to who you are as a person that you can’t cut its connection to your soul.

Yesterday I was ready to rent an apartment. I was ready to call a halting stop to the idea of moving home. My mom is an amazing person, an extremely hard worker. Always has been and she’s too real to change. But yesterday I was really hit with constant reminder’s of how exactly opposite I am of my Dad, in almost every single way. I love my Dad and he is clever and wise about dealing with people and but our personalities could not be more different. His way of life is extremely different than the way I lead my own. On a scale of 1 to 10, out of all the difficult things I’ve done in my life, for me, dealing with him when I am home in a loving and respectful way is going to be a solid 8. I was ready to start considering some other serious options as opposed to moving back home. BUT, I have thought about this, and I have prayed about this. The answer of what I should do was clear. I needed to be home... I got to thinking I would just go home and visit the girls a lot next semester, instead of wrecking the good relationship I have with my Dad.
I was amazed at how I had gotten so, so angry and frustrated by the end of the day I couldn’t believe it. I went to church last night for evening services and the lesson was really good, on thankfulness; really good message. Then like most years, we one by one talked about what we were especially thankful for this year. When Deanna started listing what she was thankful for, her eyes filled up with tears and she could hardly speak for a minute. “I am so thankful for my sisters… for Emily,” she trembled. “And I’m so happy that she’s going to be moving back home again. She means a lot to me and it’ll be so good to have her back around.” Sitting directly behind her, I saw the tears as they ran down the front of her cheeks and didn't stop.

Pretty sure, pretty sure that ends all debate. All discussion. Any excuses. The Devil seems to want to get ahold of this situation and it scares me because I know he is out there, and he is real. And he desires to stir our hearts and desires to be the opposite of what God would have.
I’m scared of my example. There isn’t a day that I can be selfish in that home. There just isn’t room for it. There isn’t a day in which I need to put myself first, or a day where I can argue with my Dad and in doing so be disrespectful. For some reason I have it in my head that when I am right it is okay to prove it. And that’s not it. Even if I am right about a lot of things my Dad and I disagree on, it is not my responsibility or right to correct him. It reminds my of something my boss, grandpa, said to me last summer. “It’s not always necessary to prove to others you are right Emmie Kae, it’s only necessary to be right.”

So I am committed to making this work, no matter how hard or difficult it gets. It's where I need to be. For my God, first and foremost, and for my little sisters.
Prayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy for me please.
Still waiting to hear back on the different jobs I've applied for, so please keep those in your prayers as well. As my 2nd Mom told me today, "God is good. And as long as you rely on Him you will come out okay." He has always been really good to me. He always does provide. Just waiting and excited to see what He has planned for me next.


Andrew said...

Hang in there Emily, it wont be as bad as you think :) When I moved back in with my folks for the summer, I was dreading it for many of the same reasons. It turned out to be just fine. I got along with my sisters 1000x better than I ever did growing up. God has a plan for you, and untill he is very clear otherwise, your place is at home with your folks. I'll be praying for you :)

Cody said...

Awesome post again. Good lessons. I'm still praying for all your requests. Have a great day in the Lord! :-)

blondevue... said...

Hey girlie,
Great post. You are so real. So stinking honest. I have a lot to learn from you...your plan to move back home, your resolve to do it because you know its what God wants you to do is terrific.
Glad you got to talk to Mom last night :) She sat in the stands at the ice rink texting you she loves you so! :)
Moving back home is hard...I've done it. Somedays it is really hard. But everyday I know its what I need to be doing right now.

Hugs girl. Loving your writing.

Kassandra said...

Hey girl. Loving that you're posting again. :o) Love to read what you have to say. You've grown so much and I'm so proud of you and proud to call you my friend. I love you so very much. Keep growing in the Lord and trusting his plan for your life, whatever it may be. :o)

Happy Girl said...

Someone just got a reality check here. *cough* *cough* me. It would take too much to explain it on here, but I"ll call you later.