On a scale of 1 to 10; it's an 8(:

Commitment takes on a whole new meaning when it’s for a cause tied to your own heart. It's when it's attached to who you are as a person that you can’t cut its connection to your soul.

Yesterday I was ready to rent an apartment. I was ready to call a halting stop to the idea of moving home. My mom is an amazing person, an extremely hard worker. Always has been and she’s too real to change. But yesterday I was really hit with constant reminder’s of how exactly opposite I am of my Dad, in almost every single way. I love my Dad and he is clever and wise about dealing with people and but our personalities could not be more different. His way of life is extremely different than the way I lead my own. On a scale of 1 to 10, out of all the difficult things I’ve done in my life, for me, dealing with him when I am home in a loving and respectful way is going to be a solid 8. I was ready to start considering some other serious options as opposed to moving back home. BUT, I have thought about this, and I have prayed about this. The answer of what I should do was clear. I needed to be home... I got to thinking I would just go home and visit the girls a lot next semester, instead of wrecking the good relationship I have with my Dad.
I was amazed at how I had gotten so, so angry and frustrated by the end of the day I couldn’t believe it. I went to church last night for evening services and the lesson was really good, on thankfulness; really good message. Then like most years, we one by one talked about what we were especially thankful for this year. When Deanna started listing what she was thankful for, her eyes filled up with tears and she could hardly speak for a minute. “I am so thankful for my sisters… for Emily,” she trembled. “And I’m so happy that she’s going to be moving back home again. She means a lot to me and it’ll be so good to have her back around.” Sitting directly behind her, I saw the tears as they ran down the front of her cheeks and didn't stop.

Pretty sure, pretty sure that ends all debate. All discussion. Any excuses. The Devil seems to want to get ahold of this situation and it scares me because I know he is out there, and he is real. And he desires to stir our hearts and desires to be the opposite of what God would have.
I’m scared of my example. There isn’t a day that I can be selfish in that home. There just isn’t room for it. There isn’t a day in which I need to put myself first, or a day where I can argue with my Dad and in doing so be disrespectful. For some reason I have it in my head that when I am right it is okay to prove it. And that’s not it. Even if I am right about a lot of things my Dad and I disagree on, it is not my responsibility or right to correct him. It reminds my of something my boss, grandpa, said to me last summer. “It’s not always necessary to prove to others you are right Emmie Kae, it’s only necessary to be right.”

So I am committed to making this work, no matter how hard or difficult it gets. It's where I need to be. For my God, first and foremost, and for my little sisters.
Prayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy for me please.
Still waiting to hear back on the different jobs I've applied for, so please keep those in your prayers as well. As my 2nd Mom told me today, "God is good. And as long as you rely on Him you will come out okay." He has always been really good to me. He always does provide. Just waiting and excited to see what He has planned for me next.